Miranda

Miranda's Story:

Ben and I started dating when I was 19 and he was 22. It was just about love at first meeting. He was military, and I was in college, but we made that long distance work because we were soulmates. Late-night drives and long phone calls, until he was finally able to leave the military and start college himself, while I attended graduate school.

Fast forward to 2019, after we’d been married three years, we tried for several months before seeking help from my GYN. I got a PCOS diagnosis, but she felt like with timed intercourse and letrozole, we could still conceive.

When those failed, we were sent to the local infertility clinic. I was terrified, mortified even that this had happened to us. We worked so hard over the years while we were in college to avoid pregnancy, and I was infertile the whole time? It felt unreal, unfair.

And then 4 IUIs failed, despite our numbers looking good on blood tests and scans coming back normal. I had an interstitial ectopic pregnancy that could have killed me had I not been so closely monitored, and finally, it was time to move to IVF. It felt like we’d been saddled with the worst possible luck and we couldn’t figure out what bad karma we’d earned to deserve this

CNY was so great, and we went to them for years. I had two egg retrievals, resulting in five normal embryos. Unfortunately, we implanted every last one— the final being my son. Two transfers didn’t take, and the other two miscarried. It was through my own research and my own advocacy that I sought a diagnosis of endometriosis.

Doctors in my town wouldn’t see me for a consult without “proof,” except for one at VCU. He not only diagnosed me, but he cleared out the stage 3 endo that had grown all throughout my body. We conceived my son as soon as I was cleared by that surgeon to begin treatment again.

Thankfully, CNY also ordered a full blood panel at my behest, after the second miscarriage, and I discovered I had a blood clotting issue. I had several doctors involved in my care, and I was able to carry to term.

My beautiful, happy, incredible rainbow baby was born on my grandmother's birthday - a healthy 7lbs 14oz, and though I did bleed out and have serious complications, I made it out just fine.

2019-2024 - five years of trying and hoping and spending money we barely had and begging the universe to please please please give us a healthy baby to love, and it did. He is thriving, and truly, this has been the best year of my life.

(Photos by Tiny Tots Photography) 

Favorite Team Member at CNY:

I can’t remember names unfortunately, but I think her name was Ashley in Syracuse. She had tattoos and a fabulous upbeat personality and always made us feel super cared for.

Helpful resources Miranda found:

Spending time with each other doing things we love, even if it meant shutting out others we cared about at times. If something stressed us out, we allowed ourselves the grace to bow out, like social events we weren’t feeling up for. We would also find things to go do together, like spur of the moment date nights to get ice cream or drive somewhere cool just because.
Personally, I would read, write, watch comfort shows - anything that brought me a sliver of joy. I’d find things that made me laugh and try my best to block out anything that weighed me down.
Lastly, we sought therapy together - an infertility counselor - who helped a ton.

The Moment:

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was happy but not elated. I’d had 3 miscarriages already so it didn’t feel… real. The further I got into the pregnancy, the more terrified I felt. I had a subchorionic hematoma that made me certain I’d miscarry again any minute, and living like that… walking on eggshells for months, always living in fear, was so hard.

I didn’t feel connected to the pregnancy until well into the second trimester and even then, we always told ourselves things could still go wrong. We didn’t do anything with his room or talk about names or anything like that until the 3rd trimester and even then I couldn’t believe I’d made it so far.

When he was born, my husband said I just stared at him and didn’t say a word, like I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. But later, finally, when my subsequent medical crises were taken care of post-delivery, I remember still being in disbelief. I’m still a little surprised to this day. But it’s also a joy that is incomprehensible and indescribable, especially for someone who struggled so much to make it happen.

Hope, Inspiration and Advice:

I wish I knew how long it could take. You tell yourself it could take up to a year, because for some reason that’s like the magic number of how long people say it “could” take.

But then when a year passes, it suddenly causes another layer of stress because the thing you’ve been working toward for so long still feels so out of reach.

If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself it would take a lot longer than I anticipated, which would have made me start the process with CNY sooner. I also think it would have helped me pace myself and not push myself month after month, when sometimes, my body just needed to rest.

As for advice, I wish I’d advocated for myself more. I trust experts, yes, but I also trust my own intellect and my own instincts. I had undiagnosed endometriosis for years and none of my previous doctors thought to screen me for it until I pushed for the biopsy. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten diagnosed, gotten surgery, and had my son the very next transfer. Do research, listen to your body, and never be afraid to push for what you need.