Kristine & Dan
Infertility Diagnosis
- Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)
Treatment(s)
- In vitro Fertilization (IVF)
Kristine & Dan's Story:
5 years
No condoms
5 years
No birth control
5 years of family, friends and strangers alike,
Asking, “when will you be ready for a few of your own?”
5 years,
No shortage of tears
For 5 years we’ve been trying
For a baby of our own
It would be a gift to be called “parents”
& welcome a child into our home
Instead we’re left feeling broken, defeated & alone
It’s like an emptiness
That never leaves our doorstep
A constant reminder:
Maybe we’re not good enough
For 5 years we’ve kept quiet
All the while bursting at the seams
Maybe we’re not fit to be parents
Maybe this is just a bad dream
Feelings of doubt, shame, exhaustion, defeat
All we wanted was to hear a heartbeat
Countless moments where we’ve felt “less than”
Maybe we’re just not trying “hard enough”
Perhaps, something is really wrong with us
Doctors visits, upon doctors visits
A plethora of negative tests
Clomid, Divigel, Progesterone
Metformin, Spironolactone
Keto, Paleo, we’ve tried it all
A rigorous sex schedule, semen analyses
(still, no baby of our own)
Since I was a little girl
I’ve aspired to be a mom
But at 19, a diagnosis of PCOS
Was dropped on me like a bomb
Gut-wrenching news
Echoed through the room that day
And I’ll never forget
“It’s likely you won’t be able to conceive
on your own”
But I have so much love to give
And I love being around kids
So I spent ten years as a nanny
Trying to fill that hole
A hole I’ve always feared
I’d never be able to fill
On my own
What breaks my heart the most
Is there is no one on this Earth
I could picture being a better father
Than my husband
But here we are
High school sweethearts
Who married young
Had plans to start a family
Before we were “grown”
Instead, the years continue to pass
Without children of our own
This year
We both turned 30
& then this year
Our young dog suddenly became ill
We spent $15,000 trying to save her life
Thousands of dollars
We had put aside to start IVF:
Gone
This year
We’ve put our life on hold
Another year
Without children in our home
