Good morning, and I hope you had a wonderful weekend! It appears as though the season is quickly changing over, and bringing in some beautiful colors, smells, and tastes.
I will often receive emails, or questions about retaining one’s identity during the fertility process. Sometimes we can feel as though we have lost a bit of ourselves in all of the appointments, medications, waiting, and stress. It is common to hear ‘but I promise, I used to be so happy, and relaxed.’ It is very easy to feel as though the happy, and easygoing ‘you’ is gone. However, I want to emphasize that the person you speak of has not been lost. You are still you. We cannot always play one role in life, our concerns and focus moves freely as we grow older and change various circumstances in our lives. For example, you cannot be the same person you were in college as you are now while you are trying to conceive. That fun-loving and carefree college student is not gone, but that role is not in the forefront of your mind and heart.
I can promise you that you will smile and laugh again. You will evolve and change through this process, but you will not completely abandon who you are. In The Voice of Knowledge Don Miguel Ruiz has a wonderful quote about accepting ourselves, and allowing ourselves to live as we feel – not how others tell us to. You may encounter situations similar to this when you are feeling down because of some bad news such as a negative pregnancy test, and someone tell you to ‘cheer up’ or ‘let it go’. It is easy for them to say because they are not feeling exactly what you feel. Try not to get too down on yourself for feeling these emotions of sadness and depression. They are completely normal, and it is what your mind, body, and spirit need to feel. If you find you are having difficulty moving past these emotions once you have fully experienced them, then I suggest you try the process I outlined for you last week. However, remind yourself that what you are feeling is normal, and good because you are just how you are supposed to be.
Take a moment to reflect on Don Miguel’s words, and if you would like to further discuss any of this, I am always available.
The first step toward improving your relationship with yourself is to accept yourself just the way you are. You don’t need to learn how to love yourself. You need to unlearn all of the reasons why you reject yourself, and by nature you love yourself. You love not the image you project or the way you are, but you love yourself because of what you are. Then you start to enjoy yourself until you love yourself so much that you give yourself everything you need. You don’t leave yourself until last anymore. The more you enjoy the presence of yourself, the more you enjoy your life, and the more you enjoy the presence of everyone around you. (p. 169)
Take care and enjoy this beautiful season!