Video: Coping Tools for Mother's Day


Hi!  My name is Lisa Stack, and I’m the CNY Fertility Support Coordinator.  In addition to my Words of Support and Encouragement article this week and a couple other previous articles that I will link to here, we’ve been talking a lot about Mother’s Day. 
For some clients, Mother’s Day is just another day to celebrate their mothers and those around them that have really influenced their lives.  Their focus tends to be more on the long-term challenges of trying to conceive, and the emotional burden that carries.  For others, Mother’s Day is a very challenging day.  It can create a lot of emotions—emotions of grief, anger, resentment may arise.  You may feel like pulling back and not celebrating.  You may feel like kind of hiding away from mothers and pregnant bellies.  That’s OK.  However you respond to Mother’s Day is completely fine, and is completely unique to you. 
You may find that the week to two weeks before Mother’s Day creates a lot more anxiety than the day itself.  In my personal experience, those big holidays, those big days such as the miscarried baby’s due date or Mother’s Day itself seems to be more so the week to two weeks beforehand that were more challenging than the actual day.  I think our bodies have a nice way of releasing some of these challenging emotions slowly over time, so the day itself really isn’t that great of a burden. 
However, some people may experience some great challenging emotions; some grief, anger, anxiety as I had mentioned.  That’s OK.  What’s important is for you to anticipate those challenges and prepare for the day.  You just don’t want to wake up on Mother’s Day and not really have processed much of this or thought of it beforehand.  Doing a little bit of preparation may save you a lot of stress and anxiety on the day itself, and also help you to cope better than you would normally have had you just pushed those thoughts and emotions aside, and went right into the day itself.   
So what I’d like you to do is read through some of the coping tools that I had mentioned, various ways to celebrate Mother’s Day, and ways to acknowledge your emotions.  If you’re recently coming off of a pregnancy loss, this day may be especially challenging for you.  As well, if you’ve recently have had a negative pregnancy test on a cycle that you’ve completed with us, this day may also signify more of the awareness of the loss, and the pregnancy that you don’t have and you were hoping for.  So, be very kind and gentle with yourself.  If you feel like you really just need to pull back a little bit, send your loved ones a card or phone call, and say “I’m sorry.  I am not able to make it today” that’s OK.  It’s important for you to protect yourself and your heart, and really do what is best for you. 
On the other hand, some may find that it’s a great day to celebrate their mothers and those around them that have been positive influences in your life who support them.  If you’re finding that that may be a good outsource for your emotions, a good release; then go ahead and throw yourself into that!  Enjoy your loved ones around you and those women who have created such a positive influence in your life, and have helped and driven you to this decision of trying to conceive.  Additionally, if you are grieving a miscarriage, a pregnancy loss, loss of a child, this is a nice day to do a small memorial or remembrance for that child if you feel like that would be appropriate.   
There are a lot of different ways to celebrate, a lot of different ways to recognize the day or just not recognize the day, you don’t have to as well.  What’s most important is thinking about it ahead of time, giving yourself plenty of time to assess your emotions, and what you may feel would be beneficial to you, and giving yourself lots of time and space to experience your emotions.  Don’t ever apologize for them because they’re yours.   
If you’d like any extra help or support, you can feel free to email me or call me any time.  I’d love to help you talk about your plans for the weekend.  If you need any help coping with some of the plans that you have or maybe some of the emotional challenges that you’ll be facing, I’d love to do that with you as well.  I hope you have a great week.  I hope you’re able to enjoy the weekend and keep moving forward in your cycle. 
Lisa Stack, Support Coordinator