- Advanced age
- Premature ovarian failure
- Donor egg
- Donor sperm
- Egg freezing
- Embryo Freezing
- In vitro Fertilization (IVF)
- David Corley
I woke up one sunny morning at 41 years old and realized I was single and childless.
In that moment, as I lay in bed, for the first time I heard the deafening silence of my home…..Utter silence. No sounds of a baby's early morning stir as they wake in their crib or sweet morning cries. No soft sweet breath as I rock them in my arms to feed. No pitters patter of little feet running down the hall to wake me or warm little hands touching my face. No giddy Saturday morning cartoon laughter or giggles telling me it's time to wake up. Just silence….and it hurt.
Never did I imagine this would be my life – as comfortable as it was to have so much :me: time. I always knew I wanted children (three to be exact). Where did the time go? When did I turn 41!!? A few days later, I made an appointment to see my OBGYN and discuss my fertility. She said she would run several tests, but TICK TOCK, my time was VERY limited. She chastised me for waiting so long. Excuse me, "waited" was not how I would describe my predicament. I never met the right person with whom I'd want to marry and conceive a child. Plus, I thought I had more time. Although, I'm not sure how since I was already 41! I guess I just didn’t feel 41 so I didn't stop to think about it. Now, it was time to take action.
I underwent fertility and hormone tests to see how things were looking. It wasn't good. It was much worse than expected for someone my age. I had diminished ovarian reserve, DOR for short. She gave me a 15% chance of becoming pregnant with IUI – or as she stated, 85% chance I would not get pregnant. She was right, I underwent four failed IUIs: one natural, 3 medicated – with one being injectable meds. Combined, the IUIs cost approximately $9,500.
Since the IUIs all failed, she recommended IVF but gave dismal chances of a take home baby. She suggested I use donor eggs to increase my chances. THAT was a hard pill to swallow and not ready to try. Then, the third punch to the gut was the price. In So Cal, I was quoted anywhere for $45,000-$60,000+ for my IVF needs. IVF was cost prohibitive. There was no way I could remotely afford this – EVER – especially after the IUI cost. Even if I could afford it, many clinics wouldn't accept me as a patient due to my age and wanting to try IVF with my own eggs. My world shattered. I felt lost, hopeless, depressed….like a failure as a woman and an idiot for waiting too long.
However, feeling defeated wasn't in my nature! My modus operandi was to research and find a way. As a fellow TTC sister said, I had to stand tall and wear my crown and continue onward! I had far too much love to give/share to allow this to defeat me. I began to research ways to fund IVF and find alternate clinics. I researched far and low from Arizona to Las Vegas to Mexico all the way to the Czech Republic (which, by the way, will not take single women as patients). Most clinics had requirements as to whom they would accept as patients. My age did not fit their criteria. I was too much of a statistical risk due to the low probability I'd become pregnant or birth a child. I KNEW there had to be another answer or clinic who could work with my needs.
Then one day, in my infinite research, I came across a patient board which talked about a New York clinic with a different philosophy. The clinic was not only affordable, but their founder Dr. Robert Kiltz believes every woman deserves an opportunity to try IVF. A doctor actually practicing medicine for their patients and not so much concerned with stats! I loved him already. Additionally, they offered something a bit different. I could try IVF to see if I could obtain my own eggs while also opting to get donor eggs in case my 1-2 usual eggs did not come through. Additionally, they offered an immune protocol to reduce body inflammation and increasing the chances your body would accept/carry a pregnancy. This was the place for me. I knew it. While their fees were affordable, I still had only ONE shot at IVF due to circumstances. One shot all the way across the U.S. It COULD be done! I had to fly across the U.S. from California to New York for IVF, and drive a couple times a week to Mexico for monitoring, but in the end, I found a way.
At 43 years of age, and single, I welcomed my little boy into the world. He is my joy and biggest blessing. My nights are filled with smelling my sweet baby's breath as I rock him to sleep in my arms. His midnight cries are welcomed with smiles and a content heart for my home is filled with sweet giggles and endless love from my sweet boy!
(Thanks to Dr. K and Dr. C for their founding philosophy and affordable costs, my family's support, and God's grace for this miracle.)
Favorite Team Member at CNY:
Dr. Corley was very sweet and patient. Dr. Kiltz - although we only spoke on the phone - was direct and invited you to participate in your protocol, which I appreciated very much. He's a ball of positive energy!
Helpful resources Sorina found:
I found the extensive information on the website very informative, especially the "library" of treatments and meds.
When I started on this journey the thing I MOST appreciated was how transparent CNY is with their patients. You even disclose your fees on the website!! I LOVE THIS as do the friends I have recommended contact CNY.
There are so many highs!One is hearing Dr. K say there was a lot of home I would take home a baby. That I was pretty healthy and not a whole lot going on other than I was single. That DOR wasn't an end-all. He gave me HOPE! That was the highest high (before birth).And walking through the doors of CNY (it was a reality now!) and walking past the embryology lab. WOW! I cried and got goose bumps. That was where miracles took place!
Hope, Inspiration and Advice:
Being single isn't an end all to motherhood. There are ways to make it happen. Educate yourself on the different protocols, meds, diet, supplements...and lose weight.
What I wish I would have known: Start with IVF because CNY makes IVF possible. However, a cycle of IUI with stim meds may allow one to see how you respond for a lot less cost (depending on your medical issues).