Hope by Christine
My husband I share a long journey together that started when I was just fifteen and he was seventeen almost eighteen. We spent many years dating and planning to marry someday and have a somewhat large family. We were blessed with our first born, we conceived the first month we tried. We thought this was so easy. After our son turned a year we decided to try for another baby, we tried for a year and nothing. Then we tried for another year and still no baby. After feeling sad a lot and hopeless I decided to mention it to my OB/GYN that we were having trouble for whatever reason. It was difficult to comprehend because it was so easy the first time. We finally had a fertility work up with my regular doctor and spent a year having uncomfortable procedures and a lot of IUI'S, still no baby. I was then sent to a fertility doctor and resumed some of the same procedures and some new as well. We finally decided to undergo IVF because I had unexplained secondary infertility. I felt angry all the time and sad. I hated the fact that friends would say relax your trying too hard and other hurtful phrases. No one knows what it is like unless you have been through it. We started with all the shots and the extreme worry of having multiples and something wrong with them as well drove me crazy.
Through all of this there was our hope that got us through it. Finally after over four years of infertility and many shots we were blessed with the news of a second baby, finally! We were thrilled to say the least. We told both sides of our families and many friends. All who were so excited for us, then at seven and a half weeks we learned that I would be having a miscarriage. I was devasted. I left it up to my husband to break the bad news to everyone. I was then at my lowest point of sadness. We then did not give up hope we had many frozen embryos to try again. We waited three months and did a FET cycle transferring three back, we were blessed again and this time it worked! We have a beautiful second son and he is now turning seven in march. We somehow, during his first year, conceived another son, which to us felt like a third miracle and he was born eighteen months later. He is not yet five. We have always wanted more but we felt we had enough going on at the time.
We started thinking about the fourth a year ago and nothing happened again after trying. My OB/GYN said "if it does not happen, you always can fall back on your other frozen embryos." We decided to take that route because I was approaching 37 years of age and felt it was time. We contacted CNY Fertility Center, a new place for us, and made arrangements to have another FET cycle, from my embryos that were fertilized seven years ago. We were all set until we got a call and were told, we no longer had embryos left. Some how they were discarded without our consent I was devasted again in a different way and wondered how this could happen to us. We went through years of treatment and to have that opportunity taken away from us was heart breaking. We were not giving up this easy, if it took more shots we wanted it no matter what. We went straight to IVF and were very pleased with having a great egg retrieval at a much older age than before. We were delighted to hear that a pregancy was achieved but the HCG levels were at a very low number to begin with, which had us very scared. We ended up with an ectopic pregnancy that was very hard to take. Again our hearts were broken but we still had a few more embryos to use for another try. We just were not giving up!
I have looked at my journey and feel there were a lot of sad times but it was hope that brought me the brightest of my days and closer to my love as well. We became a stronger couple. We are looking to start another try in the next cycle and will keep our hopes up high. I hope my story has brought hope to others that have not yet achieved any pregnancy at all or for those going through secondary infertility. Just try and try until you can't try anymore, keep the hope going like I do! You just never know what can happen. ~~
Christine
