Video: Secondary Infertility-Unique Support Care Issues


Hi!  My name is Lisa Stack, and I’m the CNY Fertility Support Coordinator.  I wanted to talk to you a little bit about secondary infertility.  Now, I like to label this as the silent condition.  It’s really challenging and it really causes a lot of grief.  It’s a silent condition because with secondary infertility, you would have already labored and delivered a healthy child, presumably.  So you already have this child at home, but you’re yearning for your second, third, fourth, fifth, whichever it may be.  A lot of times we don’t see many clients because they just assume that they are just meant to have one or it’s too challenging to go through the fertility process again.  A lot of times, you’re suffering in silence because people don’t really assume you may be infertile because you already have a child at home or multiple children.  The reality is that everyone has an idea in their mind what the perfect family is.  Your perfect family may have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 children; and that’s OK because it’s yours.  No one can tell you how many children are perfect for you and when you should stop trying.


So, if you’re coping with secondary infertility, please feel free to come to our Circle of Hope support group, contact our Fertile Friends group, visit our webinars, ask our nurses for any support, ask me for support; we’re always available.  I know that people feel apprehensive about coming to our Circle of Hope support group because they feel guilty because they already have a child at home; but don’t feel guilty, our groups are very welcoming and they understand.  A lot of these clients have the idea of trying for another one after they have their first child.  So you’re always welcome.  I want you to know that I really feel sorry that you’re experiencing this; it’s really, really challenging.  We, at the center, really understand how challenging this is.  It is almost a little more challenging at times because you’ve experienced how great the first child is and how great those moments are; you’ve been there.  You almost know what you’re missing.


I want to reassure you that we welcome secondary infertility—we treat it just as importantly as primary infertility, and will put all of our resources towards you and help get you the child that you’ve always wanted to complete your family.  If there’s anything that we can do, please let us know.  I’m always available to talk and offer support and words of encouragement.


Lisa Stack, Support Coordinator
4 replies
  1. Angie
    Angie says:

    Thank you so much for writing this! We’ve experienced secondary infertility for almost 4 years now. It was very difficult in the beginning because we always got asked by family, friends and complete strangers… when’s the next baby? After awhile, we began to feel as if we should just be blessed to have one healthy, beautiful baby girl. But in my heart, I knew that wasn’t enough. I had that desperate longing to have at least one more child…it had always been my dream to have 3 children.
    When we moved to upstate NY, we prayed for an answer. God brought us to Dr. Kiltz and his wonderful staff. It’s been a tough road over the last year with failed IUI’s and an IVF that resulted in a pregnancy but later lost our precious child. Even though the miscarriage was the hardest situation we’ve ever been faced with, we haven’t given up hope! When God took our child, our marriage became stronger, our walk with God became stronger! It was amazing how such a terrible, devastating situation could completely turn our hearts around and how we are now at peace with it.
    Yes, we will try another IVF in the future, but for now I am just focusing on my blessings. Sometimes we get so consumed with what we want, we forget to be thankful for what we already have!
    God bless!

    • Lisa Stack
      Lisa Stack says:

      Hi Angie,
      Secondary infertility is a challenge, with so many unanswered questions and worries. I am so sorry for your loss. However, it is great that you can lean on your faith for strength in such a challenging time. Please let me know if there is any support that I can offer you.

  2. sarah
    sarah says:

    Hi Lisa,
    It’s nice to see the acknowledgment of the patients that have had successfully conceived still having those longing feelings to have another child. I have always know in my head and heart that I would have three children but it is over whelming to think that every time I want to consider having another child that has to be with IVF. We hope to one day be able to have our second child.
    Much love to Lisa and Dr.Rob and staff, without you we wouldn’t have had our first.

    • Lisa Stack
      Lisa Stack says:

      Hi Sarah!
      So great to hear from you! I hope that you are enjoying the summer with your son. I’d love to catch up with you, and I am always available if you would like to chat about returning to the center. We’d love to have you back, when you’re ready.

Comments are closed.