Hi! My name is Lisa Stack, and I’m the CNY Fertility Support Coordinator. Today, I wanted to upload a quick video about Selecting Your Donor. Now, if you’re coming to the donor process and you’re taking a look at all our donor profiles, whether they be donor egg or donor embryo, you may be feeling a little bit overwhelmed and that’s OK. A lot of our clients say that it is a challenge approaching all of these donors and trying to narrow down the decision. So, I have a couple tips for you, and I hope that you find them helpful.
Instead of going through the donors and trying to go through each profile and find things that you like and that you don’t like about each donor; I think it’s important to sit down either with yourself or with your partner and make a list of three “must haves”. These would be things that you’re not willing to negotiate on. A few examples may be the donor has to have completed a certain amount of education or the donor doesn’t have children or you don’t want the donor to have children. Other “must haves” may be sharing a similar heritage, so the donor must be Irish, the donor must be German, whatever it may be. Try to narrow it down to three specific things that you have to have. Then beyond there, try to let the other characteristics move a little bit to the wayside. When you find the donors that facilitate and fulfill these characteristics the most, then you can work through and get a better feel as to the potential fit.
It’s important to remember that we’ve never had a Christmas card come in and wonder if they feel like they are a family or if they love that child. We’ve never had any patients come in and bring in their children to see us and wonder, “Oh, I wonder if they’re getting along OK?”. Really, those moments are all of what you make them. You will always have in the back of your mind that this child was conceived via donor egg, embryo, or sperm; you have all of those moments that are yours, that you created. You’ve carried this child for nine months, you’ve delivered this child, you were there in the moment when they say it’s a boy or it’s a girl, and all those holiday mornings, the first bike ride, the first birthdays, going off to school for the first time-those are all your moments. You’re the mother, you’re the father, and that is your child.
If you have any other questions, if you would like to discuss any of this further with us, please let us know. Our donor team is always available, and I’m always available to go through any options with you. Just remember, narrow it down to the three “must haves”, and go from there. Try not to look at everything and always remember that these moments are yours, and that child is yours, and that you’re never going to question it. So, best of luck and please let us know if there’s anything else that we can do for you. Have a great day!
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