Not an Impossible Dream Afterall…
I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 14. At the time, I did not have any of the traditional symptoms, apart from some extra hair growing on my jaw line. That small amount of hair prompted my ever vigilant mother to take me straight to the dermatologist. He then referred me back to my pediatrician who referred me on to an endocrinologist. A few blood tests later, the diagnosis was confirmed.
As a child of 14, the diagnosis did not really mean much to me, until one doctor said that I might never be able to conceive. Even at 14, I knew I wanted to have a family some day. I was devastated and so confused. In time, I thought less and less about the diagnosis as I became busy with high school and then college. However, the possibility of not being able to have my own children was always at the back of my mind so that, eventually, the idea of having children felt like a completely elusive dream, a dream meant for someone else.
When I met my husband, I knew within a week that I wanted to marry him. Once married, we talked about having children, but the talks were always tinged with both excitement and sadness (what if I couldn’t do it?). Three years after getting married, we began trying on our own. By that time, I only ovulated a few times a year. After trying “our way” for a year, we went to see Dr. Kiltz. I actually remember being upset on the way to that first consultation. I guess I had to mourn not conceiving a child the “normal” way. However, as soon as I entered CNY Fertility, I knew we made the right choice in coming.
For months, I had felt isolated and alone in our quest for a baby. It seemed like everyone else was starting families and moving on and, subsequently, leaving us behind. When I stepped into the office, I no longer felt alone or in it by myself. I felt like I belonged and that there wasn’t something “wrong” with me as a person. In my time at CNY, we tried Clomid and injectables with IUI’s. I did miscarry once and as sad as I was, I took heart in the fact that I *could* get pregnant.
I felt as though the whole staff cheered us on and supported us, which made it easier for my husband and I to keep going and to hang on to that dream. And strangely enough, it didn’t feel so elusive anymore. Eventually, we tried ovarian drilling. The cycle after that, we continued with injections and we became pregnant! We were over the moon and terrified at the same time. I was so afraid of miscarrying again, but eventually came to terms with the fact that my husband and I were going to celebrate this little life, no matter how long we had it. We had hope, even if we could not control the outcome!
The love of our lives, Alexandra Eva was born on January 17, 2010 at 5:55pm. She was 6lbs, 8oz and was 20 inches long. She entered the world with a head of dark hair and was screaming her head off. It was the most beautiful sound in the world.
My husband and I are eternally grateful to Dr. Kiltz and the staff at CNY Fertility. The empathy of everyone helped us to push on even on the days we felt defeated. The only advice I can give to others is to keep going. At one point in my life, I was scared to imagine being a mother for fear that it would hurt too much if it never happened. Now I’m looking across the room at my baby girl sound asleep in her swing. Keep going!
Thank you so very much,
Amanda & Dan