Monday, June 20th, 6:00pm please join Kristen as she shares her unique insight as she experienced it while on her journey to fertility. All participants will have an opportunity to share, ask questions or just listen in. Listen in from the comfort of your own home. RSVP to Kristen@cnyfertility.com or email any comments or questions before the workshop. No cost to attend.
It’s also a guy thing!
An interesting thing happened when I recently attended the Harvard Medical School’s Conference; Contemporary Families-Contemporary Issues on May 20th I was asked to be a guest speaker on the topic of the emotional aspects of infertility. I arrived early to hear the other speakers of the day and during the question and answer session from the morning speaker’s presentation about infertility, the topic of loss and grief was covered extensively. Then the conversation took a turn to the male partner of the couple and how the loss of a pregnancy affects them.
Way back when, I’ll call before my own personal fertility journey began, my good friend and her husband experienced a miscarriage. All the girlfriends rallied and brought dinner, gifts, flowers and nurturing items to our friend.
I will never forget an exchange I had with her husband…
We were alone in the kitchen and he whispered to me, “Amy (name changed) has received so many thoughtful cards, flowers and support, What about me?”
James was suffering in silence. I was so grateful for his braveness to share how he was feeling with me, in the stillness of the kitchen as I waited for the tea water to boil for Amy, I felt like the most insensitive person on the planet. I hugged James and said I was sorry and asked if I could do anything for him.
Can I do anything for you?
Now that we approach Father’s Day… the question and answer portion of the conference triggered the memory of the loss of my friends and my own personal loss and how back then it affected both of us differently.
Can I do anything for you?
In my humble opinion is kind of a lame question because it puts the burden of thinking clearly on the person who might not be able to emotionally juggle what is happening at the time of crisis.
What I know now that I wished I knew then is that there is something that can be done and should be done to support the male through the fertility journey and it is all in the words.
The male heart is open but covered with a protective armor that may sometimes feel impenetrable but there is a kink in the armor that needs permission from the male to be shown and the female to be receptive to bear witness to their “weakness” without judgment.
The power of the option! What I have found is that if you ask an opened ended question to a male the answer might be a quick yes or no… but if you present something with options it triggers the fix it part of the brain and the real need will be revealed.
Would this help you or would that help you?
Would it help you right now if I made you a cup of tea too or perhaps you would like that you were left alone?
If you get a lost of what this or that you need to fill in the blank just open your heart to the other person and an answer will come…