Donor Cycles: Do you tell your family?

By lstack Updated on

At CNY Fertility, we are proud to offer many options for those trying to conceive.  Among those options, the Donor Program is most often welcomed with open hearts, and curious minds.  While many of our patients are grateful for the opportunity to conceive with donated eggs, sperm, or embryos, they may also experience concerns regarding how much information to disclose about their cycle.  Do you tell friends and family that you are using donor gametes?  How do you answer the potential questions?  Do you tell your child?  At what age?

It is important to realize that all of these concerns are valid, and healthy.  As you are rehearsing these potentially challenging conversations, know that it is out of love and protection of the family you have worked so hard for.  Your concern shows your maternal/paternal desire to protect your child, as well as preserve their happiness and privacy.

So how much do you disclose?  It is up to you.  While this decision should not be made hastily, it is important to listen to your inner voice.  Imagine yourself in the potential conversation, and sit with those emotions for a few moments.  It is normal to feel some anxiety and apprehension, but what do you feel overall?  Does it feel like it would be a relief to tell your family?  Or does it feel like a decision best to be left private?  There are no correct answers here.  Whatever you decide will be best for your family.  You are not obligated to disclose either way.

Remember that it is normal to feel apprehension when trying to decide how much to tell, and to whom.  A rehearsed ‘script’ can alleviate some of this anxiety, and can also prevent you from disclosing too much information while you are in the moment.  Also, it is important to make sure you have had an honest discussion with your partner, to be sure your plan is clear.  Whatever you decide will be best for your family, and you never have to apologize for your choices, or explain yourself.

If you would like more support on this subject, please feel free to join us at any of our Circle of Hope support group meetings.  Meeting information can be found on our CNY Fertility Calendars:
For more information regarding Donor Egg or Donor Embryo cycles, please contact our Donor Coordinators.
You may contact the Donor Team by calling 800.539.9870 (toll free)
Or via email:
Pati Breh:
Stephanie Rogers:
Kari Gardner:

We look forward to hearing from you, and creating the family you have always wanted.
Our donation team would be happy to further explain the cycles available to you.  Please visit our website for more information: