Challenges with Secondary Fertility


Issues with secondary fertility (difficulty in conceiving subsequent children) are challenging in their own right.  After having a child, many times there’s that desire to give that previous child a brother or a sister.  When there are challenges with the following pregnancy(ies), it can often be misunderstood by others.
Many times when trying to overcome such emotions as sadness and pain, one might turn to others to confide. Upon sharing these feelings, one can be met with phrases such as: “At least you were able to have one child.  Be thankful for what you have.”  Hearing this can make it more difficult and compound some of the already challenging feelings that you’re having!  Know that these people have good intentions; however they have not been on your path and aren’t experiencing the same feelings as you.
Attending support groups or talking to someone that has experienced challenges with secondary fertility can provide comfort.  It’s OK to feel blessed that you have a child, but are longing for more!  Finding others to connect with when sharing similar experiences just makes you feel “Ah!  These people get me!”  It can be a wonderful relief and opportunity to open up and let your feelings pour out.
Secondary fertility challenges can be difficult to explain to child(ren), especially when they may start asking why they don’t have a brother or sister.  You may be in circles with other mothers who have other children and it may bring on the feeling of jealousy.  That’s OK, it’s normal.  It’s OK to feel all your feelings.  Sharing them with others who are going through the same thing, however, helps you find coping mechanisms which can lessen the pain that you’re feeling and may also provide opportunities about hearing what worked for others on their journeys.
If you would like to talk to someone about the support opportunities at CNY Fertility Center, please contact our Support Coordinator, Lisa Stack by emailing
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1 reply
  1. Beth
    Beth says:

    I am a 47 year young Mom of a beautiful 4 year old and TTC again. I am the youngest 5 and my heart breaks to think that my son will not have a sibling. Had my son, the love of my life, at age 42 in 2007 naturally despite all the negative feedback that my chances were slim. I have been pregnant 3 times in my 40’s, each time naturally and on the first try, but only 1 ending in pregnancy. I also have had endometriosis since my early 20’s and 3 laparotomies. Despite that, I am healthy, take care of my body, eat right and have a positive attitude, and most importantly, laugh a lot. I am a very spiritual person and believe that anything is possible if you believe it. I am also a big Wayne Dyer fan and have all his books and try to surround myself with positive people and thoughts. So, I also tell others not to lose hope. However, had a miscarriage the cycle before my son was conceived and another 1 ½ years after he was born, in November 2008, both at 8 weeks. Both times I miscarried, I did not use the progesterone as I did with my son, so I don’t know if that was a factor. I am sure going to use it this time if I am so lucky to achieve pregnancy again. I am actively trying and won’t give up, although I’m getting a little anxious as I had no problem getting pregnant before. I actually knew the day it happened for all 3 pregnancies! I have had all the testing and everything seems ok and doing everything I can. With much disappointment, I have been to a RE and another fertility specialist, either impersonal or lost track, never returning phone calls in order to properly continue with next step in my fertility treatment protocol. Also tried IUI 2 years ago, but unsuccessfully. So, I am going the natural route this time, i.e. Fertilaid, additional supplements, exercising regularly, reading, relaxing, and will have to wait and see. I haven’t had a period since January 6 and wondered if my hormones are off from being on Clomid for so long and now taking Fertilaid in hopes it would help balance them out. I would appreciate any suggestions that you have that would be helpful.

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