April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately two years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face.
Week Two: This moment
At some point over the last two years, I have begun to steer away from the drama and fear of infertility. If anyone asked me to pinpoint when I began to embrace all motherhood rather than run from the pregnant women at the grocery store or have a meltdown at the beginning of each menstrual cycle, I would have to attempt articulating how this attitude is a result of my own ability to experience each moment as it is versus how I would rather it be. Somewhere in the past two years, I realized that the amount of time I spend worrying about future events is simply a waste. I cannot afford to fret about those experiences over which I have no control. And, friends, I have no control over when I will become pregnant. That, however, does not mean I am powerless, which is the key difference between envisioning the miracle and trying to plan the miracle. Within me lies the power to be happy, not to necessarily create an opportunity for happiness but to experience happiness within this moment.
However, the question from last week’s blog still remains, how did I get to the point where I was able to help my friend throw the baby shower? I think the answer is this; I have learned too many tough lessons in the last two years not to realize how much I actually do have and to appreciate my many blessings. For example, I have an exceptional husband and, on most days, I am happy and healthy. I live in a time where both infertility and MS have so many possible treatments that success on both fronts is far more likely than not. I have this moment to embrace and in the midst of every moment is an opportunity to simply be happy – whether it is a rainy or sunny day, whether I am pregnant or not. I have often heard that happiness is a choice, a state of mind. I used to think “whatever, try being me.” But with a great deal of emotional work, I have realized that enjoying what is happens to be far more rewarding than wishing about what could be. And although there is no baby yet, she is coming. Somehow, I just know a baby is in my future. I have to remember that the overall goal isn’t when I become pregnant, or how I become pregnant, but that I become a mother (and I will!).
In conclusion, I have a few intentions for you. I realize that moving from fearing the negative outcome to envisioning the positive outcome has been a result of my ability to figure out what will bring me an overall feeling of contentment. Facing infertility is tough – there is no question about it. The strain this issue puts on your marriage, body and mind can be unbearable, especially if you deal with this challenge alone. Please ask yourself, how can you seek out available opportunities that will provide additional support for you and your spouse?
Over the last year, I have begun acupuncture and yoga and have recently integrated fertility massages into my routine. And ladies, addressing the mental health piece of this journey is vital. How are you addressing your mind and spirit? Kristen Magnacca, who my husband and I recently heard speak, has an exceptional book called Love and Infertility. My husband and I are about half way through the book and have begun to integrate some of her recommended exercises into our day. Dr. Kiltz is offering a workshop where you can create a vision board. Both my husband and I attended this workshop last month. Why not buy Kristen’s book, attend her next local workshop or attend Dr. Kiltz’s Vision Board Workshop? Check out the CNY calendar of events for information. (Please note that no one has asked me to endorse these opportunities, I just know that these opportunities have personally given me a sense of hope and contentment.)
Regularly seeing a psychologist is another option I highly recommend because an outside person can offer a different and fresh perspective. Lastly, I suggest you do something for you: rent a movie you have been wanting to see – the new DVD kiosks only cost a dollar per rental, take a long walk, escape to the local bookstore for a bit. Simply find a way to enjoy the moment.
Baby Dust Blessings,
April all Year
Below are links to April’s past articles in case you missed any of them: