April's Journey to Fertility: Week Twenty Six


Fertility SymbolApril is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately two years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face.
Week 26: Making a Plan
My last cycle began during my workday, leaving me little time to wallow in self-pity or have a mini breakdown. Instead, I e-mailed my husband and gave him an assignment. I let him know that our last IUI did not work, and that I needed him to have an idea of what he wanted us to do next. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and burdened, so what I needed him to do was think about what we had already done in terms of fertility treatment and what we should do next.
When I returned home from my day, I was in a much better state. I’d just had a great talk with my primary care doctor who reminded me that my husband and I are great candidates for IVF, when we are ready, and that we need not rush into anything at this point. She gave me a different and fresh perspective. I felt less rushed to move onto the next step and more confident about the fact that we have options and time to decide.
At the end of our day, my husband came home with a plan, and I was able to agree or disagree once I let him discuss his ideas and feelings. When I spoke with my husband, we both agreed that I was putting my spirit and body through a rigorous routine of blood work, ultra sounds, shots and multiple doctor appointments. We both acknowledged that although we were emotionally exhausted, we were not ready to begin IVF. My husband mentioned that he would like more time to try what we had been doing (IUI with injections). I think men sometimes have a difficult time telling us what they want, not because they cannot identify their desires, but because they want to protect us. My husband let me know that while he did want to proceed through more IUI cycles, he did not want me to continue IUI cycles if I felt too burdened by the demands this choice.
By the end of our conversation, we agreed to go through two more IUI cycles, taking a break in December so we could both enjoy the season and create happy holiday memories. Preparing for our conversation ahead of time eased our communication since we both had the day to think through the timeframe for our options and to create and discuss a plan of attack. I felt as if my husband openly acknowledged the fact that we are on our journey to fertility together and I felt empowered by our plan. I also felt as though we were able to emotionally understand each other. All I had to do was let him know what I needed.
Is there something you need from your partner? I would encourage you to consider what you need and to consider asking that of your partner.
With gratitude,
April all Year
Below are links to April’s past articles in case you missed any of them:
Week twenty five: Attitude of Gratitude
Week twenty four: Giving
Week twenty three: De-cluttering
Week twenty two: The Voice from Within
Week twenty one: Marital Bliss Part II
Week twenty: Marital bliss and infertility
Week nineteen: The changing seasons
Week eighteen: Grand Opening
Week seventeen: Trust your place
Week sixteen: Labels
Week fifteen: Keeping the faith
Week fourteen: Keep at it
Week thirteen: Maya Abdominal Massage
Week twelve: Acupuncture
Week eleven: A little bit at a time
Week ten: Well-timed reminders
Week nine: Summertime
Week eight: Resiliency
Week seven: Tiny miracles
Week six: Bahama Mama
Week five: The right path for us
Week four: Our fertility treatment “break”
Week three: Deliberate choices
Week two: This moment
Week one: My story

5 replies
  1. Teresa Marie (THE MOM)
    Teresa Marie (THE MOM) says:

    I enjoyed reading week 26 of your journey I am glad that you and your husband will take time out to enjoy the holidays. April you will be come a mother a fantastic one. I know what you are saying easy for you to say mom you had kids. You will understand this when you become a parent and not until when you have pain I have a heavy heart also when you have happiness I am happy for you. April I know you want to have a baby and become a mother it will happen a positive attitude is a powerful thing!! I will see you and your husband on Thankgiving we have a lot to be grateful for we have each other family.

  2. Elaine
    Elaine says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey with me and all of us it helps more than you may know. I pray for you all of the time and can’t wait until I read your having a baby. I don’t share my journey always I found it sometimes too hard to share with the “normal people” who don’t understand and I don’t know many people how are going though this so I find comfort and peace with you in your story because I understand what you are feeling. My partner and I made a plan as well and will more forward with our plans and positive thoughts knowing it will all be worth it in the end. I tell myself that when we are parents we will be FABULOUS at it because we will be so thankful to have been giving the chance to be parents and maybe that’s part of our story and if we hard to struggle through all this in order to be the best parents ever in the end the journey is so worth it. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Many wishes for a FABULOUS New Year with many good things to come.
    P.S. To April’s Mom,
    It sounds like you are very supportive to April and her journey so as someone else in the same position I wanted to thank you for being a great mother, when I first started my journey to motherhood and then had infertility issues I thought they only effected me I didn’t realize how much my issues effected my mother as well as myself. I forgot that when I hurt so didn’t she, I forgot that its a mothers job to feel her child’s pain. So thanks for always being a wonderful mother your words to April without you even knowing it helped to encourage me.

  3. Meghan
    Meghan says:

    You are wonderful for sharing your journey. So many times you write things and I’ll say to my husband, “Oh my god, she sounds like me! I’m not alone in feeling this way!!!”. The first entry I ever read was the one where you were at the fair and got your period followed by lunch with the pregnant waitress who was adopted. For some reason, that one really hit me hard. I cried, and then I shared it with my husband, my mom, and my dad. You have no idea how much that entry helped me, and it was random that it was the one I picked to read. I may not comment each week, but I read always and you really help me. I took your lead and finally posted to my friends on Facebook what my husband and I were going through. I cannot believe the feedback. I cried reading every comment, because they touched me so much. I also learned that 4 friends had their children through fertility treatments. I had no idea any of them had gone that route. So it was nice to hear the stories. Thank you and happy holidays!!!!

  4. April all Year
    April all Year says:

    Hi Meghan,
    I just wanted to let you know that I was truly having a difficult time figuring out what to write this week. In fact, I JUST e-mailed our web designer to let her know I was a day or two behind. The truth is, I am behind because I am frustrated and began yet another cycle. Enough already! Anyway, there are a few comments you made that are going to serve as this week’s inspiration for my writing! Thanks for your comments. So much of what you said is true. I can’t wait for you to read this week’s entry.
    To All of my Readers,
    You are each so inspirational. Oftentimes, YOUR entries bring tears to MY eyes. (I have even caught a tear or two in my husband’s eyes as he scans through the comments.) I love your comments and am so thankful to each of you for reading my articles and inspiring me to continue writing and to continue to do whatever it takes to build our family!
    Many blessings to all of you this holiday season!!!
    April all Year

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