April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately two years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face.
Week 26: Making a Plan
My last cycle began during my workday, leaving me little time to wallow in self-pity or have a mini breakdown. Instead, I e-mailed my husband and gave him an assignment. I let him know that our last IUI did not work, and that I needed him to have an idea of what he wanted us to do next. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and burdened, so what I needed him to do was think about what we had already done in terms of fertility treatment and what we should do next.
When I returned home from my day, I was in a much better state. I’d just had a great talk with my primary care doctor who reminded me that my husband and I are great candidates for IVF, when we are ready, and that we need not rush into anything at this point. She gave me a different and fresh perspective. I felt less rushed to move onto the next step and more confident about the fact that we have options and time to decide.
At the end of our day, my husband came home with a plan, and I was able to agree or disagree once I let him discuss his ideas and feelings. When I spoke with my husband, we both agreed that I was putting my spirit and body through a rigorous routine of blood work, ultra sounds, shots and multiple doctor appointments. We both acknowledged that although we were emotionally exhausted, we were not ready to begin IVF. My husband mentioned that he would like more time to try what we had been doing (IUI with injections). I think men sometimes have a difficult time telling us what they want, not because they cannot identify their desires, but because they want to protect us. My husband let me know that while he did want to proceed through more IUI cycles, he did not want me to continue IUI cycles if I felt too burdened by the demands this choice.
By the end of our conversation, we agreed to go through two more IUI cycles, taking a break in December so we could both enjoy the season and create happy holiday memories. Preparing for our conversation ahead of time eased our communication since we both had the day to think through the timeframe for our options and to create and discuss a plan of attack. I felt as if my husband openly acknowledged the fact that we are on our journey to fertility together and I felt empowered by our plan. I also felt as though we were able to emotionally understand each other. All I had to do was let him know what I needed.
Is there something you need from your partner? I would encourage you to consider what you need and to consider asking that of your partner.
April all Year
Below are links to April’s past articles in case you missed any of them: