April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately two years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face.
Patience has never been one of my virtues, but rather a skill I have been learning and re-learning over the years. In my journey to becoming a mother, I have had to readjust my initial plans. Fellow mothers-to-be, I decided that in April of 2007 we would begin trying to conceive so I would have my baby sometime in the spring of 2008. Then I would be able to take the rest of the school year off. (By the way, I am a high school English teacher.) In my head, the plan was perfect. Then the universe, or in my case, God, decided that I still had a few lessons to learn. In June of 2007, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
There were two questions I had for the doctor when he told me I had MS. 1.) Was I going to die early? and 2.) was I going to be able to have children? Here I was, being diagnosed with what can be a disabling and debilitating disease, and the second question out of my mouth was if I could still have children. (The neurologist happily informed me I was not going to die early and that I could safely conceive children.) Oh, friends, once we yearn for a baby there is little else that we are able to consider. In telling you about my initial reactions to my MS diagnosis, I simply want to let you know, that I get it – the feeling that maybe I am not meant to be a mother (what a sad thought), that choked up emotion that surfaces when I hear yet another one of my colleagues is pregnant, the tears that well when I begin another cycle. I have been trying to conceive for a bit over two years and my journey has been a challenging, frightening, and enlightening experience.
Before I finish this week’s blog, I have an intention for you. Is there anything you can do to embrace motherhood –not simply your motherhood, but motherhood in general? For example, I helped my best friend throw a baby shower yesterday. When I was telling my mom, she said that must have been hard for me; but for the first time in approximately two years, attending someone else’s baby shower was not an anxiety inducing event. I did not have to lock myself in the bathroom for any moments of escape nor did I have to give myself a pep talk before the event. Instead, I asked the mother-to-be to rub up against me as many times as she could before she left in hopes that her fertile hormones would rub off on my nearly fertile hormones. I sat with a table full of mothers who were discussing their childbirth stories and did not flinch when another woman asked me if I had any kids. Nor did I begin to tell her all about my fertility woes. A year ago, my response to this question would have been a 20 minute life story synopsis. Instead, I just moved on and focused on their stories because, ladies, one day it is going to be me in that birthing room. How did I get to the point where I am able to embrace others’ fertility? That is a topic for next week. I hope you will continue to follow my story!
Envision the outcome and embrace all motherhood. We will be mothers!
Baby Dust Blessings,
April all Year