April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately two years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face.
Week Fifteen: Keeping the faith
“Life becomes much easier when you realize that the universe will take care of you.” This is just a snippet of my yearly horoscope according to Yahoo. Interestingly enough, I just read The Alchemist by Paul Coelho, which communicates the same idea. In this novel, a boy named Santiago goes on a journey that indirectly leads him to his ultimate goal. His journey, however, is not so much about when he will achieve his Personal Legend as much as it is about the lessons he learns along the way. For example, the boy learns to listen to his conscience and to recognize omens, or messages the universe is sends to us. Most importantly, Santiago learns that while there may be challenges along the way, he must follow his Personal Legend through to its conclusion.
The boy is constantly reminded that the universe wants us to succeed, even though there may be many challenges along the way. In my own life, I am constantly reminded of this by those who support and encourage me. I have to admit, I was much less open about the fertility treatments we underwent this past month because I felt as though sharing might jinx our chances, which is actually quite ridiculous because we all need a bit of motivation regardless of the outcome. Although my usual cheerleaders were unaware of my two week wait, CNY was well aware of my emotional and physical investment in this cycle. When I was waiting for the results of my pregnancy test last week, the CNY staff was as anxious as I was to find out the results. They truly want me to be successful and so do my friends and family. I know that those who are aware of my situation tread lightly when asking questions but are doing so because they want to be supportive and helpful. They are part of my universe and they want me to achieve my own personal legend: motherhood.
Another important message in The Alchemist is that those who give up before following their journey out to its conclusion often become bitter and angry. (Okay, so some days I am already bitter and angry, but I then remember that I still have options and I am not at the end of my journey.) This is how I try to summarize my journey to fertility: it is a long and difficult journey with many emotional aspects. However, I have learned many invaluable lessons already, including the fact that I have so much to be thankful for; my MS is well-managed, I am established as an educator in my district and my marriage is a blessing. I have also learned that giving up is not an option. Because my odds of eventually achieving pregnancy are likely. If I continue to forge forward, keep at it, remain positive and believe that I deserve to be a mother, then it will happen. The universe is working on it and I am awaiting my positive pregnancy test. Am I discouraged? Yes! Am I going to give up? I can’t! Do I need to open up to the joy and opportunities to make memories along the way? I am working on it. Are you?
April all Year
Below are links to April’s past articles in case you missed any of them: