April's journey to fertility: Week eight


Fertility SymbolApril is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately two years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face.
Week Eight: Resiliency

According to Webster’s online dictionary, the definition of resiliency is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. Lately, I feel as though I have lost a bit of my resiliency. However, I do not lack the ability to adjust to change, but I do lack the ability to adjust to the misfortune of not yet conceiving. In fact, I would not call my struggle with fertility misfortunate; I would call it downright unfair and heart-wrenching. I cannot tell you how deeply saddened I was this weekend when I attended a party with many other couples my age who all either had children or were expecting a child within the next several weeks. I remember watching the children interact with their parents and feeling excluded, not because anyone was ignoring me but because everyone was a part of something I was not: parenthood. At one point I was even choking back tears.
I may be more emotional than usual because I began a new cycle last week. One of the most difficult challenges for me is the fact that no matter how I picture my positive pregnancy test experience, it just does not happen. I could explain to you the myriad of scenarios I have created in my head regarding when I will become pregnant, (right after my laparoscopy, right before my HSG, after my first round of hormone treatments and IUI, right before my next fertility specialist appointment, etc.). Instead, I have to simply wait and try to be patient. Thus, the question becomes how will I maintain my resiliency when I am disappointed and saddened? How do any of us maintain resiliency when we are on our journey to fertility?
We actually discussed this at last week’s Yoga for Fertility Class. (Yes, my negative attitude may have prompted the discussion!) For me, “bouncing back” is a matter of finding what will make me happy, even if only temporarily. My list of possibilities includes the following:

  • Listening to upbeat music
  • Getting a pedicure
  • Having a glass of wine
  • Having a cup of coffee
  • Going to Yoga
  • Watching a sad movie because sometimes crying does make me feel better
  • Watching a funny movie because sometimes I need to laugh
  • Talking to someone else who is either experiencing the same challenge or has experienced it
  • Doing something fun and different (new restaurant, couples yoga class)
  • Writing the day’s gratitude list because I may not be a parent yet, but there are many other prosperous areas in my life

This upcoming week, my intention is for you to consider what should be in your “bag of tricks” so that when you do become upset or overwhelmed, you have a list of possible distractions/activities that can serve as your personal pick-me-ups.
Miracles & Blessings,
April all Year

Below are links to April’s past articles in case you missed any of them:
Week seven: Tiny miracles
Week six: Bahama Mama
Week five: The right path for us
Week four: Our fertility treatment “break”
Week three: Deliberate choices
Week two: This moment
Week one: My story

5 replies
  1. Amber
    Amber says:

    April, thank you for putting your feelings out there and sharing them with us each wee. I agree that dealing with infertility is heart-wrenching and unfair! I am also a CNY patient (after being with another fertility clinic for a year and a half – unsuccessfully). Although I have one child, a beautiful daughter, we have been trying for 2 ½ years to have another. No one really understands the emotional toll it takes on a person unless they have been through it themselves. So, as I read your journal entry each week (and get teary eyed) I can relate to how you are feeling. You have a wonderful way to putting every women’s feeling about infertility into very poignant words. Stay strong and don’t give up hope. I’m sending good wishes your way. Thank you again for sharing your story with us!

  2. Stace
    Stace says:

    I can’t thank you enough for this posting. I am a CNY patient as well after trying for over two years on our own and just received another negative pregnancy test result after my third round of doing the IUI. I thought for sure that this was going to be the one that did it and I feel absolutely heart-broken. I used to think of myself as a fairly resilient person but I’m finding it a little more difficult these days. Today I have spent my day trying to focus on things that make me smile and to help my mind switch gears. I was listening to the radio and there is a new song out by Nickelback where one of the lines is, “the prize is worth the fight” which is indeed true and has moved me ahead one more step in the right direction. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your thoughts. I haven’t found many people to really talk to as everyone around me seems able to conceive at will. I don’t know anyone else that has been through this.

  3. April all Year
    April all Year says:

    Hi Stace and Amber,
    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! It has been over two long years for us, and I am so happy to hear that my thoughts are helping you to feel as though someone else understands. I thought this last cycle would be the one for us. Sadly, it was not. This was when I realized that my ability to “bounce back” had become compromised. However, I do sincerely believe that the more we persevere the more likely we are to become mothers (or mothers again). “The prize is worth the fight,” and I am happy to know you two are both persevering through this. Please let me know if there is any topic you would like me to cover or if you might like to chat with me personally over e-mail.
    Keep persevering!!!
    Hopeful Blessings,
    April all Year

  4. lstack
    lstack says:

    Dear Stace and Amber,
    I wanted to write a quick note, and let you know about some of our support services available. We have a Support Group that meets once a month at each location, and it is extremely helpful. Take a look at the calendar section of http://www.cnyhealingarts.com for the next meeting time.
    Also, I am available for one-on-one support via phone and email. I work at CNY Fertility as a lay support coordinator. I have unique insights because of my own personal journey and experiences with infertility as well as my knowledge as an employee of CNY Fertility. I am available to talk anytime
    and welcome you to contact me if I can be of assistance in any way.
    Lisa Stack

  5. Gina Avery
    Gina Avery says:

    i know exactly how you felt about being around parents and parents to be. It is very difficult to watch what you could have but don’t yet. Ive almost been in tears a few times. Its something you cant help. That is a great thing to do, think of things that will keep your mind off of the process and outcome.

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