April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately three years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face. CNY Fertility Center has locations in Syracuse, Albany and Rochester, NY.
Week 68: Turning Hopeless into Hopeful:
I write today’s blog with feelings of hopelessness. We went through an IVF cycle at the beginning of the month, and it has taken me about three weeks to feel as though I could even write about my experience to all of you. There are some patients who go through one or two IUIs and discover they are finally pregnant. There are other patients who go through their first IVF to find they are finally pregnant. There are others, though, who repeatedly go through cycles with little to no explanation as to why they simply cannot conceive. I am afraid to say that I fit into that category.
We actually had what appeared to be a great cycle. 12 eggs were retrieved, and I responded to the fertility drugs well. Unfortunately, none of the 12 eggs were mature, and I am not even sure what that means medically. However, I know what that means emotionally – another cycle that didn’t work, another year gone by without achieving a pregnancy, another batch of eggs that weren’t viable, another long list of questions to ask for which there may never be a concrete medical answer, another year where I am supposed to be merry at Christmastime even though my heart is really breaking, more pregnancies and babies to hear of that are not ours, and lots of tears and anger.
So as this holiday season draws to a close and we begin 2011, I am faced with a significant question: How do I turn being hopeless into being hopeful? I have thought about this question so much over the last several weeks, and I have found the answer to be quite basic. We must keep moving forward. The complicated part of the answer is how do we move forward though?
Since I know many of you are in similar situations, especially if you have been following my blog from the beginning entries, I am going to spend some time exploring the different ways we can move out of the childless abyss. There is an end to this process, and my husband and I are going to our final destination one way or another.
However, each couple’s journey to fertility is different; while one couple may be open to a specific option another couple may find that option does seem right for them. What I would like to do is spend one week on each of the following topics:
- Making the Most Out of Your Consultation Appointment
- Egg Donor Possibilities
- The Adoption Option
- What is Embryo Adoption; could it be right for us?
As we begin this new year, my intention for myself, my husband and all of you is that we remember how much we are meant to be parents, how important it is to support one another, and how important it is to continue to move forward. Recognize and acknowledge today’s hopeless emotions, but remember that tomorrow is actually quite hopeful.
Ready to Ring in 2011,
April all Year