April's Journey to Fertility: Turning Hopeless into Hopeful


April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately three years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face. CNY Fertility Center has locations in Syracuse, Albany and Rochester, NY.
Week 68: Turning Hopeless into Hopeful:
I write today’s blog with feelings of hopelessness. We went through an IVF cycle at the beginning of the month, and it has taken me about three weeks to feel as though I could even write about my experience to all of you. There are some patients who go through one or two IUIs  and discover they are finally pregnant. There are other patients who go through their first IVF to find they are finally pregnant. There are others, though, who repeatedly go through cycles with little to no explanation as to why they simply cannot conceive. I am afraid to say that I fit into that category.
We actually had what appeared to be a great cycle. 12 eggs were retrieved, and I responded to the fertility drugs well. Unfortunately, none of the 12 eggs were mature, and I am not even sure what that means medically. However, I know what that means emotionally – another cycle that didn’t work, another year gone by without achieving a pregnancy, another batch of eggs that weren’t viable, another long list of questions to ask for which there may never be a concrete medical answer, another year where I am supposed to be merry at Christmastime even though my heart is really breaking, more pregnancies and babies to hear of that are not ours, and lots of tears and anger.
So as this holiday season draws to a close and we begin 2011, I am faced with a significant question: How do I turn being hopeless into being hopeful? I have thought about this question so much over the last several weeks, and I have found the answer to be quite basic. We must keep moving forward. The complicated part of the answer is how do we move forward though?
Since I know many of you are in similar situations, especially if you have been following my blog from the beginning entries, I am going to spend some time exploring the different ways we can move out of the childless abyss. There is an end to this process, and my husband and I are going to our final destination one way or another.
However, each couple’s journey to fertility is different; while one couple may be open to a specific option another couple may find that option does seem right for them. What I would like to do is spend one week on each of the following topics:

  • Making the Most Out of Your Consultation Appointment
  • Egg Donor Possibilities
  • The Adoption Option
  • What is Embryo Adoption; could it be right for us?

As we begin this new year, my intention for myself, my husband and all of you is that we remember how much we are meant to be parents, how important it is to support one another, and how important it is to continue to move forward. Recognize and acknowledge today’s hopeless emotions, but remember that tomorrow is actually quite hopeful.

Ready to Ring in 2011,
April all Year

2 replies
  1. tricia
    tricia says:

    I’ve been there and I know exactly how you feel. It took over 7 years for me to finally conceive my 2 gorgeous boys via IVF/donor. I went through 7 different surgeries, 5 failed IVF cycles, 2 failed donor cycles. What I can tell you is that when you are done and do finally achieve that pregnancy, you will understand that it all was worth it and would not change anything your went through. You will be a strong mother and you will appreciate (like no other) your child. That child will be loved like no other and you will never take that beautiful gift for granted.
    I wake up every morning as difficult as my little ones can be, and Thank God and (the help I got from CNY) that I have them in my life. You will too…believe me. Maybe it will not happen as you expect but however it happens this painful time in your life will pass. I promise!

  2. Elaine
    Elaine says:

    April, You are such a strong woman to not only go through all this but to openly share your story. I went through 8 IUI’S and 5 IVF’S. My forth IVF ended with no eggs to transfer I was heart broken and didn’t understand because I always have something to transfer and then I at least have a shot. With nothing to transfer I didn’t even have a chance to hope or try. Well I worked through that and decided to move on to my next IVF because I felt I had to try again. Well about a year ago someone told me about this site http://www.fertilitysocks.org/, well I went to it at that time and signed up for a pair of socks to be sent to me. On Nov. 5th when I came home from my day 3 u/s and b/w I had something in the mail and it was a pair of socks from the site. It helped me to regain hope again and gave me the “power of the socks” as I like to call it. Well I went through my 5th IVF and I wore my socks to ER and ET and on Dec 1st I got my very first EVER positive phone call. I couldn’t believe it, and scine then I have gave socks to many women I met through CNY because I believe that even when we have lost hope sometimes our hearts cling to the smallest things and for me it was a pair of socks. I’m leaving my email address if you feel comfortable please email me your address I’d love to share “the power of the socks” with you for your next phase in your journey to become a mom. Lots of Love! Lanieh21@gamil.com

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