April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately three years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face. CNY Fertility Center has locations in Syracuse, Albany and Rochester, NY.
Week 77: Proof Positive!
I am writing this blog as my husband finishes the second coat of paint on the baby’s nursery – on our baby’s nursery!
After four years and two months of trying to conceive, after over a dozen IUIs and three rounds of IVF, I can finally say that I am pregnant. I know I have waited a considerably long time to share my news with you, but that is simply because I have been walking around in this combined state of gratitude (because some random young woman donated her eggs so I could be a mother), fear (because I know how fragile this tiny life that is growing inside of me is) and disbelief (because this is happening to ME). If there is one lesson I know to be true, it is quite simply this: “keep at it.” Sound familiar? If you have ever worked with Dr. Kiltz, you know that he truly believes that if we persevere, our dream will become a reality…and with every doctor’s appointment and ultrasound picture, this pregnancy becomes more real.
The day we found out about our pregnancy, I would not even let anyone from CNY call to tell me the results. In the past, whenever I had a pregnancy blood test, the follow up call was never a happy one, but instead was one filled with my awkward silence because I was trying not to have an emotional breakdown over the phone. And this particular one was going to be the mother of all calls – this time we had pulled out all the stops by using a third party donor and spent more than we ever have financially. There were no embryos to freeze (but there were embryos transferred into me, and we had NEVER gotten that far!). If this did not work, I had no idea what our next step would be. Yes, we had attended adoption seminars and had talked about that possibility, but I still very much wanted to have the experience of bonding with my baby through pregnancy. I remember crying the night before I went in for my blood test, saying over and over again, “What if it doesn’t work?” My husband finally just looked at me and quietly said, “What if it does?” That didn’t necessarily bring me out of my state of panic, but it certainly gave me a different, more positive perspective.
And when we looked at the patient portal and my HCG result was 91, I knew I was finally pregnant. I screamed the words out loud and even cried because I was so happy. If you have followed my blogs over the past several years, you know that I had an MS diagnosis
just as we began our attempts to conceive and have come across many other hurdles up until this point. There were days when I thought I may never experience viewing my baby on an ultrasound, hearing her heartbeat or feeling her kick…and then in a matter of hours, I went from talking to the nurse at CNY, during my blood draw, about how I had
some cramps since the second day after transfer to finding out those cramps were my baby implanting and snuggling into my womb.
I remember my last unsuccessful IVF In December of 2010 – I was debriefing with Dr. Cain on the phone, sitting in front of my Christmas tree, talking to her about how my eggs weren’t maturing no matter what the meds protocol was. If she had told me, during that phone call, that in a matter of months I would be pregnant., there is no way I would have believed her. If she had said that next Christmas would be completely different for me because I would not be in the midst of fertility treatments and would instead be in the midst of my pregnancy, I would have been skeptical. That is what is so difficult, the chances that pregnancy will happen are actually quite significant, but we do not know when or how that will happen. What I can tell you though, is that if you persist, the likelihood that you will become pregnant is much greater than the chance that you will never become pregnant. I am not saying the road is easy or the journey is smooth, I am just saying that if I gave up last Christmas and wasn’t open to different options, I would be sitting here this holiday season feeling the same sadness that I had felt over the last four years.
My intention for you is this: Reflect upon what you have done already to treat your infertility and what you might do differently for the next cycle. Do not get caught up in the financial part of the process, but get caught up in the fact that we have opportunities the generation before us did not. Remember, that CNY Fertility & Healing Arts Centers want you to succeed nearly as much as you want to succeed. Don’t forget that money comes and money goes, and certain experiences in life truly are worth any amount of money. Lastly, don’t give up on your dream. I am proof that when you open yourself up to possibilities and you simply forge forward, your dream can become a reality.
April all Year