April's Journey to Fertility: Feeling Scared, but Acting Brave


April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately three years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face. CNY Fertility Center has locations in Syracuse, Albany and Rochester, NY.
Week 75: Feeling Scared, but Acting Brave
Feeling scared, but acting brave,” was our book club’s favorite quote from the novel, Room, by Emma Donoghue, which was written from the perspective of a five year old boy.  When our club’s host pointed out the quote, I immediately connected to this idea because this concept made me think of all of us – the women who continue to be brave even though there is an inherent fear that exists within.
Fear is one emotion that has consistently emerged during my fertility journey – fear over missing work for appointments, fear over the next appointment not going well, fear over my body’s inability to do what comes so naturally to others, fear that the doctors will find a problem, fear that the doctors will not find a problem, fear of the side effects of the drugs, fear of the needles, fear of the financial burden of advanced reproductive fertility treatments, fear that I am too stressed out or not eating the best foods, fear of sharing my thoughts  with others. Fear even exists once we achieve success. Fear lingers and can be debilitating.
Yet, you have not let that fear incapacitate you. Instead, you go to your appointments and do whatever is necessary to fit the doctor visits into your schedule.  You give yourself those daily injections, take your supplements and vitamins and probably even go to acupuncture. I bet you attend yoga or partake in some sort of exercise regularly. You may even attend CNY’s support group, and/or you may see a therapist.
As you trudge from appointment to appointment, as your frustration mounts and your anticipation heightens, remember to recognize your accomplishments. Every single blood draw, monitoring appointment, procedure, consult meeting, and alternative medicine treatment you make it through is one more goal met. Of course, there is fear and anxiety, but you haven’t let that stop you.  You have been brave.
Remember that your bravery is what has consistently enabled you to overcome your fear. And that inherent desire to be a parent consistently fuels your bravery. When you begin to feel defeated, lost, or afraid – tap into that bravery and remember how strong you have already been; do not doubt that you possess the bravery and strength necessary to continue overcoming any feelings of fear.
Feeling scared, but acting brave,
April all Year