April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately three years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face. CNY Fertility Center has locations in Syracuse, Albany and Rochester, NY.
Week 69: Before Your Consultation Appointment
Finding ourselves in the midst of a consultation appointment can be overwhelming, nerve-wracking and emotional. My husband and I have been to about six consultation appointments. Making the most out of a consultation appointment after a failed cycle requires a bit of planning and space. I will talk more about planning for the appointment next week, but today let us look at how the simple gift can allow us to heal just enough to be focused in a consultation appointment.
Failed cycles cause all of those fears that we have been trying to talk ourselves out of to viciously resurface. (What if this doesn’t ever work? What if I never have children? How can I possibly afford more cycles? Will we ever be able to change our focus and move beyond this?) Although those emotions are normal and we must acknowledge them, it is important to remember that the time directly after a failed cycle is when we are most vulnerable to fear and irrational thinking. We learned our most recent cycle had failed on December 8th, and I was in tears when the embryologist informed me. I could barely choke out a “thank you,” and “goodbye,” on the phone. I think she even thought I had hung up or the connection was lost.
I was a wreck for the better part of a week and the majority of the holiday season. I was happy to put the Christmas decorations away and to begin a new year. I am fairly certain that my husband had the patience of a saint during that time because I was just snippy and unhappy. One night, I cried all the way home from work and couldn’t articulate any of my emotions to my husband; nor could I think them through. In fact, I totally hid how upset I was because talking about it wasn’t helping anymore than crying was helping. I was just angry and upset and the only healing power that was going to help me was time, which I couldn’t see then.
But that month’s worth of time between the news and the consultation was invaluable. I was able to work through my emotions to the point of being able to rationally discuss and articulate my questions to my husband and the doctor. Our appointment went well because I was able to intellectually think through my options and approach the appointment with a fresher outlook; I was far more in control of my emotions than I was four weeks prior to the appointment. I remember thinking, as we were in the middle of our consultation, that I hadn’t cried yet. Then I remember thinking at the end, I haven’t cried yet. I was able to have a productive, rational appointment because I had given myself the time I needed to process what had happened and to focus on the ultimate goal, not the most recent obstacle.
As you heal from your most recent obstacle, remember that time really does help and you will be able to focus your emotions so that you can eventually articulate your feelings, which what we will focus on next week – how to articulate yourself in the consultation appointment.
In recognition of the healing power of time,
April all Year